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5-21-2010
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O.K. so let me get you up to speed with where I am. I created this Blog to track my progression as I try to change my life in many different ways. I believe that those who read this will find strength in what I am going through and may find a way to achieve their goals as well - "Those" meaning my children later in life, strangers that may happen across this Blog, or me reading back through it and finding the strength to continue.
I titled the Blog "50 Pounds And a New Life" because my goal is to lose 50 pounds by 8/21/2010 which is three months from now. I believe that at the end of my journey I will have vastly different goals, social events (both personal/family), and dreams.
I need to add that I have lost 18 Pounds of the 50 already and hope to lose the remaining 32 pounds by 8/21/2010. My starting weight was 245 and I am 5'11". 245 pounds is really overweight by any doctor's opinion. The thing is that I did not have a gut and was not sloppy looking at all - just big. So the first question you must have of me is why did I not start this Blog at ground zero? Well I have a good explanation - I have the tendency to start some things out very strong and if there are any bumps in the road in the first two/three weeks I quit. This does not happen very often but with something so important I did not want to get into it and let anyone down.
So I will do some catching up with you so you can get focused in on me – where I have been to help understand where I am going.
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2-1-2009
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This is when I started to identify that my wife (we were married at the time for 4 years together for 12 years) had checked out mentally on me and many problems started to arise from it. She was spending more time alone out in the world and I kept asking what was wrong and what I could do to change things. She never came up with any good reasons and slipped more and more into "alone" mode. At the time I was about 210 pounds and had been that way for a while.
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10-1-2009
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Finally after 8 months of her being checked out mentally on me I moved out but quickly returned. The arrangement was that I would live in the basement and have little contact with her. This actually worked for a while I could see my kids and we started to get to know each other again – very strange.
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1-15-2010
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Once my wife started to realize that we were back in a "marriage" situation she froze up again and went out mentally again. I guess she did not really want to be married.
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3-15-2010
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We lived for two months under this mentally checked out state (again) and I finally blew up and moved out a second time. While at my folks house it hit me that all along I had more of a part in this "mentally checked out" state that my wife was going through. I had started drinking more than I used to and it started about August of 2008. I looked back on the previous year and a half and realized that I was very difficult to be around and never let anyone else's opinion in the house be heard. I took responsibility for my actions and started to think about easing up on the alcohol.
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5-2-2010
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5-2 is a Sunday and over the past month and a half nothing was going right; I was performing badly at work and did not feel comfortable in my department as far as my future, my wife no longer wanted to try and make our marriage work, and I just had no focus on anything productive. I finally got myself to the point where I needed to make a life change. I wanted to lose 50 pounds, ease up on the alcohol, and eat healthy. My journey of 1000 miles would begin on 5-3 and would it ever…
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5-3-2010
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First day…
I committed to myself not to eat any fast food for 22 days as well as no alcohol. I had been eating EVERY breakfast at McDonalds and most of my dinners at a variety of Fast food places… McDonalds was certainly my favorite, followed by Taco Bell late at night, Pizza Hut and those pizza rolls that are out of this world delicious, Burger King every now and then for a Whopper (hey is it just me or is Burger King notorious for slow and rude service), Arbys for the appetizers, and Wendys for Chicken Sandwiches – crispy of course. I was out of control on the fast food tip…
I am using the MEGA MEN SPORT supplement packs by GNC for increased energy and weight lose. I do not recommend anyone use these supplements unless you are actively working out every day… they will buzz the crap out of your body if you don't counteract the effects with a strenuous workout plan. I love the energy these supplements give me throughout the day. It makes me crash for a few minutes around 6:00pm – I hope that goes away soon.
I wake up at 5:00am every morning Monday-Friday and go to the workout facility provided by my employer. This is so very difficult because I am a late bedtime person and at the time I am enjoying NBA playoff basketball (well not so much this year all the series have been pretty bad). Theses games can keep me up until 11, 12, or even later on some occasions. Obviously getting up at 5am is hard to do after that but I manage and have cut back on how many games I am watching.
As far as the Alcohol, let's just say I have cut WAY back and feel I am doing just fine. Having even one beer at night makes it harder to get through the workout the next day so it is a deterrent which helps…
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5-10-2010
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One week in and 7 pounds lost. No fast food… Don't know how I am managing that one but I am… My motivation to make a life change is strong this time… the hard part here is that I am always hungry and need lots of fruit/vegetables and pretzels to snack on to keep me from going out and raiding all the fast food spots… AHHHHHHHHHH… Drinks are still at a minimum. I honestly think my body is going through withdrawal symptoms because of the fast food. It's strange because I feel weak and my skin itches all over and I think about food all the time.
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5-14-2010 – Friday - Morning of
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Two weeks in and 12 pounds lost… Still no fast food and drinks are well to a minimum. I will stop talking about drinks now and will bring it back up in the future if there is a need to do so. All is going well… my wife is actually starting to give me little hugs here and there – maybe it's the dedication to change – who knows – I sure don’t. We also started being intimate and it feels good… REALLY GOOD!!! Then the evening comes upon us…
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5-14-2010 – Friday - Evening of
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Long Story short – Teenage Step daughter loses her mind, brings drunk friend over to my house, Step daughter is violent with me and her Mom, ambulance is called for the dying friend, and when the cops arrive step daughter takes off through the neighborhood on foot and disappears for 24 hours… much more to that story – the friend made it through O.K. - but that’s all I will say right now . My wife takes the disappearing act very hard and now blames herself for the continued downward spiral of the daughter and the two of us take a turn for the worse. She does not blame me for anything the step daughter does/did but my wife shut down again almost instantly and is pushing me away more and more as the days go by. I don't think she can deal with too much stress in her life and shuts down as a defense mechanism. Just when I thought everything was going well, here comes this surprise out of nowhere.
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5-15-2010
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Saturday – I keep to my no fast food routine and my wife's focus is on the daughter. There is not much time for anything else. At this point I have started to become a single father so the wife can deal with the one daughter exclusively and the house can be taken care of. We have a total of 4 kids all together. This is stressful on me but I take it in stride and deal with it.
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5-16-2010
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Sunday – much of the same as 5-15
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5-17-2010
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Monday – It was very difficult to get myself up at 5:00am to go workout because I got VERY little sleep over the weekend. I made it and had a good workout. I have still had no fast food and have lost a total of 15 pounds now. I am very proud of myself for getting into the workout facility. I could have very easily fell right back into the old trap of feeling sorry for myself or something stupid like that and not getting up to work out and find myself at my McDonalds spot eating breakfast Monday morning.
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5-18-2010
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Tuesday – nothing news worthy. This day is still a lot of the same old thing. It's easier to not eat the fast food now. Maybe it's getting out of my system. What I really miss right now is my pizza rolls from Pizza hut… hmmm…. Pizza rolls.
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5-19-2010
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Wednesday – The Step daughter was checked into a group home for kids that are losing their way… she is scheduled to be there for two weeks and I hope it does her some good. She was out of town with family members before she returned to our city and was admitted into the home.
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5-20-2010
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Thursday – While I was getting ready to fall asleep I turned to my wife and made a statement that in retrospect was really dumb. I told her that I miss her and wish we could spend more time together. I guess me bringing up myself in a time where her mind is focused only on the daughter was a bad idea. She faded further back into her absent mode and started to cry. I have no idea what to do with my life right now. There is a pit inside of my soul because I have a wife that is not there (and goes in and out of wanting me out of the house), a step daughter that is out of control and hates me for no real reason whatsoever, working as a single father of 3 kids, and outside of working out I have nothing else positive in my life.
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5-21-2010
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Friday – I managed to drag myself out of bed at 5:00am into the workout facility for a workout. It was a very intense workout and I am at 18 pounds lost. I did not get any sleep last night. The wife works and I have the kids tonight all night. Then I go to sleep when she gets home and get to do this all over again tomorrow. Hurray…
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