I am now in my day three of my rest. I would guess that I am about 195/6 right now. It is good that there is no tailgating this weekend – that will certainly help. I will avoid the 1000 fat grams and 30,000 calories from one single tailgate. I am in a bit of a rut right now and I have very little desire or motivation at this point to stay focused on my weight and eating. I believe there is more going on here.
I started writing about what I thought was bothering me and before I knew it I was two full pages into it… Long story short – my step daughter and my place in my wife's hierarchy of importance is causing me pain and stress right now. There seems to be a direct correlation between my happiness and what is going on with my wife and step daughter. Don't get me wrong – things are better than they have maybe ever been with my wife – but I continue to struggle with my place in her life. I am last on her list – right wrong or indifferent that is just the way it is. It does not help that we do not have stress free time hanging out just the two of us. This REALLY bothers me.
If I don’t find something to take my mind off of her a bit I am going to drive myself crazy. I thought that would be my business inventions, stocks, poker, and fitness but here I am… now in a rut.
I blogged to dawn recently that solutions are important not focusing on the problems. I truly believe this and solutions to this problem have not surfaced. Finding solutions continue to cause stress for me. Solutions – I guess I need to think a little harder.