8/15/2010 – 6 Days Left

At lunch again – last day of my seminar. My food is snacking on trial/chex mixes with turkey sandwich and chicken Caesar wraps. I use light wheat bread, zero fat tortillas, and zero fat Caesar dressing. You cannot really taste any difference with the bread and tortillas – it's great. The Caesar dressing however is a different story – its ok but certainly not the real thing. Its strange not weighting myself for so long but as you know I do not have a scale. Tomorrow morning will be interesting.
ONWARD!

8/14/2010 – 7 Days Left

Conference - Day two. Lots and lots of info being shoved my way. I am on the brink of overload and think I would have already if I had not done the study material before hand. Good feeling right now…

8/13/2010 – 8 Days Left

At lunch break here at the seminar. Good so far. They are building the base for why we really want what we came there for. The rest I am guessing is building the how. More to come.

8/12/2010 – 53 Pounds Lost – 2 Pounds to Go – 9 Days Left

TWO POUNDS TO GO… I am truly amazed. My daughter made some double chocolate chip cookies last night and I just could not resist them. I ate THREE. PLUS, I had a bowl of cereal at 9:00pm at night with one of those cookies. Wow I just might make my original goal without starving myself to get there. One thing I must say is that this morning my after workout weight was 189 yes that’s right 189!!! But as I have said before I cannot take this measurement as my official weight so I have not reached my goal. That being said – I still stood there on the scale and just stared at the little needle at 189… I may have been there for 30 seconds 45 seconds – just staring. It is amazing the transformation my body and mind has gone through. I am so proud of myself!!!
Tomorrow begins the new life as far as my financial and time freedom I seek in my life. I begin my three day seminar and have done all the studying they required me to do to prepare. I feel ready. I'm ready for anything in my path these days.
I was feeling tired into the late evening and found myself on the couch watching the 2010 world series of poker. I am feeling the fatigue of the week with work and working out. What was interesting was that I think my wife could sense it and came over and gave me a kiss and asked if I needed anything. I said no and then asked her if she needed me to do anything for her or the house before I went to bed. She said, "stay in front of that TV and watch poker – that’s all I want you to do". She is making me happy these days and I think we will be a power couple in no time!!! I am soooo happy about where everything is at in my life. I thank God for this time and giving me the will power to stick through everything!!!

8/11/2010 – 51 Pounds Lost – 4 Pounds to Go – 10 Days Left

This last 4 pounds will be a beast to shed… What I don’t want to do is starve myself and get there and then in one day pick all 4 back up again. I thought about doing that just to reach my goal in time but it will not be a sustainable 190 at that point. My end goal is a new life and a sustainable weight at 190. Most likely it will take a couple weeks but I am in it to win it. I love my workouts and the health I feel. I would recommend intense workouts to anyone who is healthy enough to do it without passing out. Start slow and work your way up to intense. Your body feels great during and after.
I have gotten myself into a groove for reviewing my study material for this weekend. I am listening to the CDs while I drive. I am really starting to look forward to this weekend.

8/10/2010 – 50 Pounds Lost – 5 Pounds to Go – 11 Days Left

Weight staying steady - 11 days to go. It is hard to believe thinking back that it has been 98 days since I started on this journey. A lot has happened since I started. Just a little over three months and it seems more like a couple. I started going through my seminar material last night for about an hour and a half. It was a good start. It seems this will be harder than I thought because deep down in my mind it seems to me this "avenue" I am going down appears to be saturated. Saturated in my vision of it – now that may change with going to the seminars but it is a bad way to start if I have this thought that it will not work. Bad way to go into this. I will work hard to keep an open mind so that’s all I will say on that one.
Family life is what it is right now. Nothing really to report here. I spent some time with my son out at an event and he loved it. It was fun spending one on one time with my boy.
ONWARD people ONWARD!

8/9/2010 – 50 Pounds Lost – 5 Pounds to Go – 12 Days Left

Monday and I really did not want to get out of bed this morning. I fought and fought and fought myself and I won (it lost). I dragged myself to the workout stop (my current one – dingy one) and for some reason it was not open and everyone was gone. Very interesting. So I had a choice to make – either say forget it or go to the other workout facility with the nice shower room. So again I fought and fought and fought myself and again I won. I ended up having a decent workout and enjoyed my shower. It always feels good after fighting yourself and not only winning but accomplishing the entire goal for that moment.I forced a conversation with the wife about us last night and it went O.K. I guess. I backed her into a corner and wanted to know where she stands with us what she is telling the world about us. I asked about her status on Facebook because currently there is no relationship information there. I asked because she knows I can see it and never wanted to put single there even though I knew that in her mind that’s where she was. She still is hesitant about making me a friend because she fears that I will tell her who she can and can't be friends with. A lot of our problems have stemmed from her past. Lots there and I will leave it at that.
All I want from her is to not hide us. Not hide the fact we are together. Not to try and hold onto some youth and being free concept. It's all or nothing right now. One family - one relationship - one marriage. I cannot do anything other than that. If after everything she has put me through and everything we have gone through together she cannot give me her all then I just can't continue on with her. It appears that she wants what I want. She says she is going to change her status of Facebook and begin to tell folks that we are married and stop saying things like I don't know or we are trying to work things out.
Facebook by the way is the worst invention of all time. The past should stay there and the ease that people have now to re-enter someone's life is just not natural and can cause so many problems. I would love if it just went away. All of it.
All in all – I am happy about where I am. I would still like to look at my wife and think – wow this woman loves me to death and would do anything for me. I just am not there yet. I hope I can get there so life can be so much easier for me. I work so hard out in the world – home is where I should go to rest – NOT continue fighting and struggling. I also have to buckle down and read my material for my seminar I am going to this weekend. I have a couple manuals to read through and I have not started yet. I will need to start tonight and get down to business.
ONWARD!!!

8/6/2010 – 51 Pounds Lost – 4 Pounds to Go – 15 Days Left

I continue to eat like a mad man and I continue to lose weight. I feel great and the pounds are coming off. I am not going to complain. I think I heard that at some point you need to eat a lot more to lose weight……. I have always heard that so I guess it is my turn now. Today I went back to the old workout facility and had an intense workout. One thing that I realized is that with all the fancy equipment and eye candy working out the only thing I missed was showering by myself. No one else in the little room - taking a shower 4 feet away from me - with no divider. My current workout spot allows me to use the equipment when I want and not have to wait to use it. There is really nobody in my current workout spot that I have to deal with it is nice. It makes you think about what you really need in life to be happy and accomplish your goals. I have all the same equipment with much less stress – it's just kind of dark and dingy there. I have dropped half of my weight there and will accomplish my end goal there. I believe there is a lesson here. I will take it to heart.
To everyone reading this and going through family stress – trust me I understand what you are going through. It's never as bad as it seems at the time and with some deep reflection and contemplation you can make the situation livable and potentially change it. Strength I wish for all!
ONWARD!

8/5/2010 – 50 Pounds Lost – 5 Pounds to Go – 16 Days Left

So – Back to 50 pounds lost. Not sure how I dropped two pounds overnight. I ate like a mad man yesterday. Raisin bran for breakfast with 2% milk, 6" tuna sub from subway 530 calories and 30g of fat with sour cream and onion baked lays water to drink. For snack in the middle of the day I had two servings of pretzels. For dinner - pork ribs with big salad two pieces of cornbread corn for veggie and water to drink. After that for snacks I had two serving of hummus and flat bread – a few handfuls of fat free croutons (just the croutons) and right before bed I ate another piece of cornbread and a bowl of cinnamon cheerios with 2% milk. WOW that’s a lot of food for one day so I am surprised I dropped two pounds overnight. I feel great. At this point it would be nice to get to 190 by 8/21 but like I said I have already won and that would be icing on the cake.
Me and the wife continue to find ways not to argue and stress about things we typically have feuded about. We are finding ways to take stress off the other person and not put any unnecessary stress in our lives. It feels good. Still no communication about us and the rings we continue not to wear but like I have said I cannot complain about what is happening. I just wish she could find a way to verbally tell me what is on her mind. I do not wish to live as boyfriend and girlfriend because I want a full all out commitment because I deserve it and need to know that she has my back for life. I am full all out committed to her and making the family work and I still feel she is not completely in the same place. I think this will work itself out at some point I believe.
ONWARD!

8/4/2010 – 48 Pounds Lost – 7 Pounds to Go – 17 Days Left

I feel the countdown to day 1 more and more each day. Right now it feels like the Tour De France where I know I have already won so I am cruzin (for the last few miles) into the finish with no possibility of losing the race. I have won. No matter how you slice this thing I have won. I just realized it while I was writing this piece. I look around and my life is completely different than that guy that had no family support. I am completely different than the guy who (in underwear only) looked overweight with absolutely no muscle definition. I am different than that guy who is blaming others (on occasion) for things I CAN control and CAN do something about. I am different than that guy who (on occasion) felt sorry for himself. I am different from that guy who was barreling forward with no regard for a healthy weight loss reduction. I want a victory party – I wonder who will throw it for me… Champaign – Music – Confetti – Drinks – Dancing – loud bangs and fireworks…